Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize