I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
