someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Alive.
So much puke
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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