I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
