Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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