I molested 6 butterflies tonight
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
