Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
