I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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