You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
