Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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