I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
