I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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