I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
