dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
