Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
