Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
