Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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