i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
