three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
