I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
