WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
