I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
