If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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