Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
