if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
