that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
