Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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