I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
