Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
only if we run a train.
done.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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