I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize