We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
