My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
