It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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