the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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