my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
