Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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