just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
