at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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