i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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