Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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