Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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