I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
