my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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