Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
