I must be too annoying 4 u.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
