1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
