problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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