Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
