she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
