We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
a search helicopter?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
