If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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