The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
