I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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