Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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