I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
