I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Couch. On fire.
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