Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
