i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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