You're so nebulous sometimes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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