Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
