3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
