I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
