you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
