Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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