I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no, he came in my armpit
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
