Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
