Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize