my sisters under your porch take her home
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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