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Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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